Monday Giggles

Good morning! Apparently these are actual analogies taken from essays by US high school students. They sure do have interesting imaginations!

Enjoy!

• Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  
• He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  
• She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  
• She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  
• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  
• He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
  
• The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
  
• Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
  
• The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  
• John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  
• He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
  
• Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
  
• Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
  
• The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  
• The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  
• He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  
• The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  
• He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
  
• Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
  
• She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  

hugs*