Monday Giggles

Today I present to you some random thoughts on life.

Enjoy!

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
   
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
   
• Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
   
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
   
• One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds.
   
• God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
   
• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
   
• If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
   
• Stress reducer; Put a bag on your head. Mark it "closed for remodeling." *Caution - leave air holes.
   
• I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
   
• There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
   
• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
   
• Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
   
• The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
   
• Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
   
• The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
   
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
   
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
   
• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
   
• You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
   
• I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
   
• I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pants on fire.
   
• Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
   
• It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
   
• Age is important only if you're cheese.

Off to get a paper bag . . . LOL

*hugs*