Monday, 27 September 2010

Monday Giggles

Today I present to you some random thoughts on life.


  • Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
  • Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
  • Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
  • You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  • One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds.
  • God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
  • It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  • If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
  • Stress reducer; Put a bag on your head. Mark it "closed for remodeling." *Caution - leave air holes.
  • I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
  • There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
  • The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
  • Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
  • The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
  • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
  • The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
  • The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
  • Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
  • You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
  • I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
  • I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pants on fire.
  • Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
  • It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
  • Age is important only if you're cheese.

Off to get a paper bag . . . LOL



misteejay said...

He he...great way to brighten a dull, wet, cold Monday. Thank you.

Toni :o)

Sian said...

These are brilliant! Keep them coming please

Sue aka Greyhound Lover said...

Winnie your Monday giggles are a real tonic, especially when the weather is rotten and Monday chores await.

Sue xxx

PS Love your antique treasure.

Sandra said...

Have missed you over on UKS - hope all is well with you xx

Jenny said...

*rofl* I like it! Brightened up my late shift! xx

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